It Gets Better

My teenage years came upon me quickly and changes took place within me. Instead of drooling over the developing girls in my class, I often found myself checking out guys. I had dreams about me being with another male and at first I was shy about it. I was disgusted with my mind for thinking that way, but over time it grew on me and I never felt anything but mutual friendship towards the girls.

I had always made a point of being the loner in the back of the class room, I kept quiet about my life and at home I did the same. Rent had found himself a lady friend and he focused most of his attention to her. I was mostly happy just existing, I only wanted to make it through high school so I could begin a great life.

In my spare time, I could often be found painting.

I also enjoyed working out when I wasn’t too tired.

The thing I loved most, though, was chemistry. Science was always my favorite subject and I knew that I wanted to pursue a career in it someday.

Rent had gotten me a chemistry set when I turned fourteen and I used it all the time.

Sometimes, my experiments backfired on me. It’s hard to experiment without a chemistry book.

It wasn’t long before Rent and his girlfriend, Leia, became engaged. I was really happy for him, but I knew that meant he would want to move out and start a family of his own before too long.

I had met a nice guy about my age online and we had been secretly dating for a few months. I had my junior prom coming up and I decided to invite him. It was the first time I was going to be openly gay and I was really nervous about it. I was already bullied, I couldn’t begin to imagine how they would all react when they found out about this. I had to stand up for who I was, though; so I put on a brave face and got ready for my most life-changing night.

Lance didn’t go to the same school as I did, so no one thought anything of him being there until they saw us getting our picture taken together. The principle immediately stepped in and escorted us out of the building. He shoved us out the front door of the school and yelled at us, telling us to get our queer asses out of his dance. He said that our kind was not allowed at prom. He then instructed us to go back home and think about what we had done.

At least I had a picture of the few moments of joy I got to spend at prom.

I was furious, but nothing could have ever prepared me for the next day of school.

As I walked into the building, I was instantly the focus of a hundred evil glances. I looked down at my feet and pushed my way though unbudging demon faces. When I reached my locker, I noticed that someone had spray-painted the word “FAG!” on the door. I tried to pretend that it wasn’t there. I tried to pretend that there weren’t a hundred kids watching, waiting for me to crumble. I opened the door and tons of condoms came tumbling out before my feet. The whole inside of my locker was covered in baby powder and silly string. There were sticky notes covering the inside of the door that said things like, “Die Faggot!” and “Go to Hell Queer!”.

I slammed the door shut and broke down in tears in front of all the students who had stood there hungrily watching me.

I could heard them all laughing hysterically. Some of them threw things at me, but most just stood by and watched me break apart. I regained my composure and turned to face them. One of the football jocks stepped out from the crowd and pushed me back against the row of lockers. He spat in my face and said, “Go to Hell you worthless homo!”

I felt my face grow red-hot. I looked him right in the eyes and punched him hard in his perfectly chiseled nose. He fell backwards into the crowd. I heard the bystanders gasp. I pointed at them all with anger in my eyes, I yelled at them.

“How dare you treat me like garbage! You are no better than me! I was born this way and I love who I am! You can throw insults at me all you want. I am who I am and I’m never going to change!” I grabbed my backpack and ran off to class. I was only in there for a few minutes before the superintendent came in. He pulled me out into the hall and drug me to his office by my arm.

He sat me down in the chair before his desk and then took his own seat. He sat uncomfortably starting at me for a bit. “Raven, we can’t have students harming each other. It has become clear to me that you will not be able to get along with the others here due to your situation. I think it would be in the best interest of the school if you no longer came here. The school board has voted and we all agree we do not want your plague spreading to anyone else.”

I felt the anger boil back up my spine. I started shaking with rage, “I’m gay, not sick you incompetent jerk! Homosexuality isn’t spread like some disease, it’s no different than race or hair color! It’s just who you are!” I stood up and slammed my hands down on his desk.

He honestly looked a little frightened, but tried to remain calm and professional. “You have been expelled from Riverview High. Please take your belongings and leave.”

I grabbed my backpack and stormed out of the building. I ran over to my aunt Layla’s house, which was just down the street. I knew she didn’t have a job and would be home. When I arrived, she could tell that something was bothering me. I told her everything that had happened that day, forgetting that she didn’t know I was gay.

She gave me a disgusted look.

She asked me if I was gay, to which I nodded my head. She exploded, “You are disgusting! A disgrace to the Greymane name! Get out of my house and don’t come back unless you change your mind! I can’t have queers hanging around here!” She shoved me towards the door. I ran out and heard her slam the door behind me. So much for family support.

I went back to the school and sat out front and read until the last bell of the day rang. The school buses pulled around to the front and I headed to mine. I was about to walk on when the driver closed the doors partially. Through the crack I heard him say, “I don’t think so kid; your kind is not allowed on my bus. Looks like your walking today.”

It was the last straw, I had exhausted all my patience with the world. I couldn’t take it anymore. I sprinted down the street, ignoring the taunts I heard yelled at me. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, all the way to the Riverview bridge. I climbed up over the guard rail and looked down at the churning water.

Just as I was about to jump in, I heard a voice yell, “Raven! Stop!” I turned my head to face the person talking to me, I recognized the girl but couldn’t think of her name. She was a grade below me and was always hiding in the back corner of class. I had never heard her speak before.

I yelled back at her, “Why should I? This world hates me!” I could feel hot tears streaming down my face. She walked over to me and grabbed my hand, “You can’t let them beat you. Haters have already taken the lives of thousands of teens and adults. Please, don’t let them take yours too.” She started to cry, “Instead of becoming a statistic, why not become a voice?”

I let her help me climb back over the railing and we ended up walking to her house, talking the whole time. I learned that her name was Stella and she lived with a foster dad.

As the sky grew dark, we sat under the stars talking. I finally asked her why she had followed me. I never expected this question to turn into the story of her life.

“When I was just five years old, I was taken from my parents and put into an orphanage. My parents were sent to jail for distribution of illegal substances. I wasn’t there for long though, because I was adopted by a really nice couple, who happened to be homosexual. They were married, as it was legal in Gadornville.” I looked at her puzzled. “It’s a town about five hours from here.” She explained.

“Anyways, their names were Hank and Lewis. They were the best dads ever, they spent all their time with me and we were always having tons of fun. It’s been almost two years now since I lost them. Our house was burned to the ground one night when I was over at my friend’s home.” She took a deep breath, as if to hold back her tears. “I can still remember when the social worker came to get me and told me that my dads had died in the fire. Investigators were sent out since the fire did not seem accidental. They returned with no clues as to who had done it. I think they were lying, but I guess I will never know.”

I grabbed her hand and moved in close to hold her to me. She leaned her head on my shoulder, “I moved here to Riverview with my foster dad, William. I’m only here until I turn eighteen, then I have to move out and fend for myself. So, what is your story?”

I gulped, it was only fair. I started my life story, Stella leaned back, looking up to the heavens as I talked.

I told her everything about my life. About my mom abandoning me, my dad killing himself, Rent raising me. I rambled on and on, catching my story up to the present day. After I finished my story, Stella invited me inside because it had gotten so cold outside. We sat on the couch and Stella sat in deep thought for a bit.

“Isn’t it strange how the nicest people always have horrible pasts?” She finally spoke up.

I laughed a little, “Yeah, I guess it’s because we have learned to appreciate life. It really is too short to waste it on enemies.”

It was nearly eleven when I told Stella that I needed to head home. As I was heading to the door, she grabbed me in a tight hug.

I hugged her back, feeling the warmth of her arms around me. Before letting me go, she whispered in my ear, “It gets better, Raven. It really does. Just stay strong.”

A couple of days later, I hadn’t heard anything from my boyfriend, Lance. In fact, the last time I had any contact with him was the night of prom. I tried calling him but got no reply. I tried e-mailing him, but got no responses. It wasn’t like him to do that, so I drove all the way to his town. When I got to his house, I knocked on the door and his mother answered. I had never met her before, but I knew Lance had shown her pictures of me.

She seemed surprised that I had come by. “Where is Lance at, Mrs. Norman? I haven’t heard anything from him since prom.”

She started crying but waved her hand, inviting me inside. I sat down at the dinner table with her and she told me that Lance had been murdered. He was found dead in the park with a gunshot to his chest. Someone had also written “queer” on his forehead in perminate marker. She put her hand on mine, “Raven, dear, even though I support you, I ask that you be careful. There are just too many haters in this world.”

It was hard to take in what had happened. I couldn’t believe people would go so far as to do things like that. I became even more determined to put this madness to an end.

I was home schooled by Rent my senior year of high school, but I always hung out with Stella when she got done with classes for the day. After I turned eighteen, Rent told me that his fiancé, Leia, was pregnant and they were going to be moving in together.

He stayed to finish my last semester, but then moved out to be with his growing family. We continued to talk and I promised to visit as often as I could.

My graduation day came and went. I graduated with my old class, the whole thing was very uncomfortable. I managed to get through it, however, and I was soon a free man.

After the ceremony, Rent gave me an old envelope with my name written on it. He told me my dad had left it for me, and wanted me to have it the day I graduated.

I got home and took off my cap and gown. I found my way to the study to read the note. In scribbly handwriting it said:

My dearest son,

I’m sorry that I could not be there to see you graduate from high school. I’m positive you have grown into a wonderful man. If you haven’t already, I’m sure you will soon find the woman of your dreams and settle down.

Since you are my only son, I bestow upon you the privilege of carrying on my father’s legacy. I left everything I possessed in your name to do with as you wish. Feel free to knock down the house I had built and you can create your own dream home.

I may no longer be with you physically, but I will always be with you in spirit to keep you strong and on the right path.

I love you son, I always have and forever will.

-Dad

 I looked away from the paper. I had that strange feeling that there was someone watching me. “Dad?” I whispered. Instantly I felt the burning sensation on my shoulder again. This time I did not move away. It was only a brief moment that I felt it, I pulled my shirt collar back and saw the red hand print again.

I didn’t have much time to think about it, I had to get ready and head over to Stella’s house. She was throwing me a graduation pool party and I had to be there, obviously.

I arrived at the party and we were all having a wonderful time. William, Stella’s foster dad, called out that it was time to eat. Everyone filed into the kitchen. When I got in, I noticed an aged woman standing awkwardly in the corner. She smiled at me, I smiled back. She walked sheepishly over to me and said, “Hi, son.”

Author Note: I am very sorry if anything in the chapter was too over the top or offensive to anyone. I only try to write things with truth, I did tone down my original idea though; taking in consideration that there may be younger viewers. I know that there wasn’t much for pictures, but I hope that my writing made everything clear enough.  -Kate-

Chapter Three: Second Chances