Spiraling Down

When I got home from seeing my little girls, Connie was waiting for me in the bedroom. She looked upset as she asked me where I had been. She was napping when I left and it hadn’t crossed my mind to leave her a note. It was too hard to tell her the truth, so I made up a little white lie, “I was over at the studio working on a couple of new songs. I didn’t want to wake you since you’ve been so busy caring for Raven.”

I saw relief wash over her face. Eventually I would have to come clean about Catherine and Kia, but I wanted just one more night with her. I knew once she knew the horrid truth we would no longer be together. My dream of being with her was shot, I had but one night left of her love. I wasn’t going to let it go to waste.

We goofed around for a little bit before I carried her away to our bed and made love to her for the first time since Raven was born. She was still very tender, but we took it slow. It was more about being together than getting things done. It was a great end to a crappy day.

I pushed the dread for the next day out of my mine and just enjoyed the silky touch of Connie’s hair on my chest. I rolled to face her and kissed her softly on the lips, whispering, “I love you Connie. I always will.” She was already asleep, but it made me feel better and soon, I dozed off.

The next morning, I got up early and took a steaming hot shower. Nothing could ever wash away these sins, I had to face them head on. I had to reveal the evil truth to the love of my life. She would hate me for it, and I knew she would never forgive me; however I stood little chance at covering up this mess.

I dressed and looked at myself in the mirror. “You screwed up, Joshua David. You can’t turn back now, you did this to yourself. It’s time to grow up and be a father to these kids. You’re going to grow old alone, but so be it. You deserve nothing better, you sicken me.”

In an angry rage I shoved the mirror, but it was bolted well to the floor so it barely moved. I was disgusted by the monster I saw staring back at me. I had to get rid of it, I clenched my fist and punched the image of myself right square in the face. The reflection now had a large crack running down it, splitting my face into two. That’s what I was, a two-faced jerk. One part Joshua, one part Crow.

I was going to give it up, no more did Crow exsist. Part of Joshua would be lost in the process, but so be it. I had a son and two daughters to care for, I couldn’t live the stupid life of Crow anymore. I went downstairs and found Connie and Rent talking while eating breakfast.

I asked Rent to watch Raven so Connie and I could go for a walk. I’m sure he knew what was going on, he didn’t say anything and silently agreed to babysit. Connie looked happy that we were going to have time together, she quickly dressed and came running back down the stairs. “What happened to the mirror?”

I bit my lip, “Oh, it tipped over earlier.” Another lie; some piece of work I was.

We walked silently to the park, hand in hand. I think she could sense something bad coming, but she didn’t say anything about it. When we finally arrived at the park she looked me in the eyes and asked me what was going on.

I covered my face with my hand, “I’m the father of Ashley’s babies. Paternity test proved it.”

She immediately became disgusted, “Oh my creator! Are you kidding me? Is this some sick, twisted joke?”

“Let me explain! It wasn’t my fault, she made me do it with her! She threatened to tell you that I had been stalking you and that I slept with a different girl everynight that I was out on tour. She blackmailed me!”

Connie looked as though she was about to vomit, “You… you were stalking me?”

“Well, yeah kinda, but not in a bad way! I just did it so I would feel closer to you after we broke up!”

Connie completely lost it, “You son of a bitch! How could you do that to me?! I HATE you!! UGH! I can’t believe I was ever interested in you! You are just a loser and a jerk! You probably purposely got me pregnant you sick bastard! Get away from me! Get out of my life! I NEVER want to see your sorry face AGAIN!”

“What about Raven, you can’t just leave him! He is our child, he needs a mother in his life!” I knew it was not worth trying to fix anything between us, but for Raven’s sake I didn’t want her to leave.

“You can take care of that bastard child! I don’t want to ever see him or you! I’m leaving, here is your stupid ring back!” She took off the engagement ring and threw it at my feet. She then took off running down the street.

I knew it was going to hurt loosing her, but I never expected it to turn out like that. Whatever I had left of a heart had completely exploded and vanished. It was just going to be me and Raven, and Connie didn’t even care to ever see her son again. I hoped that for his sake, she would change her mind someday.

*~:~*

Two years later, I hadn’t heard a thing from Connie. I hadn’t expected to, I wished she would have been there to see our son grow older. Rent had been helping me raise Raven, he was so good with him, I envied their relationship. When I looked at the growing boy, I saw Connie, and it was hard for me to feel attached to him.

I had quit my job. I no longer produced music, I still played my guitar for my son occasionally, but it wasn’t my life anymore. Crow was dead to me, along with all the bad things I had done as a musician.

I visited my daughters every week, they were growing so fast. Catherine had dark eyes and black hair like me, but otherwise looked more like Ashley.

 

While Kia had my father’s (Gideon) dark blue eyes and my black hair. She too had Ashley’s face.

It was hard for me to look at them and feel love. They were never wanted by me, and I still refused to give them my name; much to the dislike of their wicked mother.

One evening, when I was about to leave, she pulled me aside, telling me that she needed to talk to me about something important. “Crow, I need child support. I can’t afford two babies at once without having a job. My family is struggling as it is, it’s time for you to take responsiblity for what you did to me!”

“What I did to you!? If you don’t remember, you were the one who blackmailed me. You got yourself into this mess and I will by no means give you anything. Besides that, I am no longer ‘Crow’. I gave that up when Raven was born. There is no money for you, even if you did deserve it!”

Ashley seemed to be in a state of panic and shock, “What do you mean?! You are supposed to give me money! This is not how this works! I will take you to court for this! I need money to raise these brats!”

I glared at her, she had planned everything, I was sure of it. She only wanted me for my money.

“Tough luck, Witch, I have no money, and everything I have has been written in my will to go to Raven. I’d die before I let you get a penny from me!”

She looked pissed, but I merely said, “I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back. These girls are your problem, maybe you are the one who needs to learn some responsibility.”

I gave her and my daughters one last look and then left the house, slamming the tacky front door behind me.

When I got home, I found Rent holding Raven, singing to him. He stopped when he saw me standing in the doorway.

“Rent, can I have a few moments with my son? I will get him ready for bed, why don’t you go relax?”

Rent handed my son to me and exited the room, giving me a puzzled look.

I got my son ready for bed and set him down into his crib. I leaned over so I could talk to him quietly.

“Son, I want you to know that I will always love you. I’ll always be here to watch over you and guide you. You are everything to me, never forget how much you mean to me. Even after you are grown, I will still be here if you ever need me. You are my little man, and I can’t wait to see you grow up and take over this legacy your grandfather started.”

Raven looked up at me and cooed. “Granda?”

“Yeah, soon you will be old enough to make your own choices. Just don’t make bad ones like daddy did. I love you little man.” I kissed him on the head and backed away from the crib. His tiny hand grabbed for my fingers.

“Da,da!” He reached for me, but I simply told him it was time to sleep. I left the room, but Raven’s cries carried out into the hallway. It was hard not to rush in and comfort him, but it was for the better.

I walked down the spiraling staircase into the great room. Rent was nowhere to be seen. I slipped into the study and wrote a quick note and folded it up and placed it into an envelope. Once sealed, I wrote “Raven” on it. I left it on the desk and headed out to my father’s garden.

It was just a pile of dead bushes and leaves, anymore. I had once planned to turn it into a playground for Raven, but I decided to use it differently. I stood in the garden and screamed up at the heavens, “Why did you do this to me?!”

There was no reply. What did I expect? There was no creator, it was just a story passed down through the ages.

Silently, I grabbed the pistol from the pocket of my cargo shorts. I put one bullet into the chamber and set the trigger, then I placed it against my temple. Thoughts raced through my mind. I knew I could never live without Connie, my career was over, and Ashley was never going to get a cent out of me.  

I closed my eyes and whispered, “Goodbye.” My finger squeezed the trigger and a blast went through my body. I flung back, falling to the ground.

I felt my soul being sucked down; falling, further and further. Nothing but pitch blackness, yet I continued to fall. I slammed hard onto the ground. Wondrously, I was able to open my eyes.

I was kneeling, chained to the black rock below me, red light shining through the cracks. I heard a voice cackle from overhead and my gaze floated up. Towering over me were the fiery gates of Hell, next to them, a hideous demon beckoned me to him. Subconsciously, I obeyed.

 

 

This concludes Generation Two!

 Continue to Generation Three.