Home Again

The flight home lasted forever. I had taken a sleeping pill, but was only able to occasionally drift off into a light sleep. All of my thoughts were on Connie. I rehearsed my apology over and over.

This really would be my last chance. If she didn’t accept, I knew I would have to move on. I didn’t think I would be able to do that, so I had to be sure everything went perfectly.

After seventeen hours of brain-wrecking nervousness, my plane finally landed in Riverview. I ran out of the airport, completely ignoring the screaming fans and paparazzi that tried to surround me. I couldn’t let myself get distracted, I sprinted to the limo and instructed my driver to take me to the flower shop.

I went into the store and picked out the biggest, most outstanding bouquet of bright red roses. I hurried back to the limo and this time had the driver take me to Connie’s house. We went clear across town in the dark of the night, I didn’t care if it was already after ten; I had to see Connie.

Not wanting to bother with anyone but her, I climbed over the back porch railing and looked through the window. I saw Connie right away. She was in the living room fighting with her mother about something. I tried to make out what they were saying, but it was too muffled.

I rushed to the back door and began to pound on it. “Connie!” I yelled as loudly as I could. In a moment, the door opened wide and Connie came out looking bewildered.

“Oh Josh!” Connie cried out. She threw her arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. I held her close to me; it was so good to feel her against me again. I asked her why she never called like I had told her to in my letter. She gave me a blank look, “Josh, I never got any letters from you.”

I was confused. “Well, what about the concert ticket?”

Connie looked down, “I was going to go. Really, but Ashley just kept begging for the ticket. To tell you the truth, I was afraid to see you. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I did. After she got home from the concert she told me that you were upset that I had given her the ticket, but I never heard anything from you after that. I just assumed that you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

I took her hand in mine, “Don’t worry about it, it’s behind us now. I’m just glad to see you again. I have something for you.”

Connie got excited, yet slightly concerned.

I reached behind myself and pulled out the roses. As soon as Connie saw what I had, she gasped and her magnificent blue eyes lit up. She held them close to her, taking in their fragrance.

“Connie, ever since the day we broke up, my heart has been in pain. I’ve missed you so much and I couldn’t stand being so far away from you while I was touring. I can’t keep you out of my head, and I know that means you are meant to be there. When you left so long ago, you took my heart with you. I want to know if you plan on keeping it, or giving it back.”

Her face shone with perfection under the orange glow of the porch lights. I saw the shadow of a smile creeping its way across her face. “You broke my heart, but I stole yours. I guess we are even now, we’re both heartless shells of creation. We might as well stick together.” She pulled me in and kissed me lightly on my lips.

I had a surge of desire course through my body and I had to stop every impulse from sweeping her off her feet and carrying her to her bed. I believe she felt the same way, though, because she grabbed my hand and took me into her room. She proceeded to undress before me and then told me to do the same.

I greedily let her control me. Every moment I spent with her, I fell more and more in love with her. Her kiss was tender, yet full of passion. Clearly she had never lost her feelings for me and she proved it to me that night. It was wonderful to have finally had her in every way, she let me steal her virginity, just like she had promised me back when we were young.

I told her that I couldn’t stay the night and she understood. We set up a date for the following evening and I left her house after stealing a few more of her addictive kisses.

It was marvelous to be in my own home again. I went upstairs and took a hot shower. In my mind, I was washing away all of the impure things I had done while I was gone. I felt great after I stepped out and dried off. I put on a pair of boxers and crawled into my own bed. The sheets were cold against my bare skin. I felt alone as I laid there in the dark, but was comforted by the idea of Connie someday sharing my bed. It wasn’t long before I had lulled off into a blissfully deep sleep.

I was startled awake by the presence of something in my bed. I jumped out instantly and flicked on the lights.

“ASHLEY!” I screamed. “What the fuck are you doing here and why are you in my bed?!”

She gave me a wicked smile, “Come here Crow. I only wish to have a little bit of fun. Just one time. No one will ever know.” She patted her evil hand on the bed, trying to lure me back.

“I would never sleep with you!” I spat at her, “You ruined my life once, and you won’t do it again!”

She laughed and took off her clothes, “Don’t deny your feelings for me Crow. You want me just as much as I want you. I promise I won’t tell.”

“There is no way in hell I would ever sleep with you Ashley! Get out of my house!” I went over to push her out of my bed, but her strong grasp pulled me on top of her and she gave me a kiss that burned like acid.

She pulled away and whispered into my ear, “Listen, if you don’t give me what I want, I’ll tell Connie all about those little tramps you slept with while out touring. Oh, and about how you’ve been stalking her ever since you guys broke up.” Her evil eyes shone, “You didn’t really think you were that sneaky did you?”

She laughed demonically. I didn’t know what to say to her. I despised her with every fiber of my being, but she had me pinched between her cold, witchy fingers.

“Besides, you wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to your dear, sweet Connie would you?” She raised her eyebrows at me, trying to look innocent.

I swallowed hard, “Of course not.”

She petted my hair, “Good, now give me pleasure or you can say goodbye to your happy little life.”

I felt overly uneasy. I knew every bit of it was wrong. At that moment though, I saw only one way out. “Fine. But only this one time. Then I want you to get out of my life and leave Connie alone.”

She smiled up at me, “Here, I even brought you a condom. Just this one time with me, and I promise I won’t interfere with your life ever again.”

I will always regret what I did that night. I never should have let her manipulate me like that. What’s done is done, though; you can never go back. After I did the deed, Ashley got dressed and ran off with a smile on her face.

I felt filthy, like I had just rolled around in year old garbage. I showered again and again but couldn’t wash away the stench of betrayal. I retired to my dirty bed. I ripped off the blankets and tore off the sheets. I curled up on the cold mattress and cried. I’ll admit to crying like a little girl, not only did I feel disgusting, but this was just the topping of the cake. My life was never happy, all I wanted anymore was Connie’s love, but I couldn’t even have that without having someone step in the way.

The next morning I called Connie and cancelled our date, blaming it on jet lag for making me feel sick. She told me to get better and she couldn’t wait to see me again. I tried to sound excited, but I really only felt like putting a bullet to my head. I couldn’t stand the pain of what I had done.

I decided to go over to Layla’s house before my thoughts got to me. She may have been my little sister, but she was definitely smarter than I was when it came to relationships.

When I entered her house, a small voice called out, “Joshy!” It was my nephew, Zackary. He was running over to me, so I bent down and held out my arms to him.

I scooped him up and laughed with him. I couldn’t believe how big he had gotten.  It’s crazy how one little person could make your pain melt away. I squeezed him in my arms, enjoying the moment with him.

He was babbling about nonsense baby things, and when I put him down, he ran off to go find some new toys to show me. Layla came up to me looking pleased that I had come over.

“He missed you, Joshua. He kept pointing at your photo in my room and saying ‘Joshy’.” She watched her son toddled up the stairs, possibly to dig out some long-lost toys hidden under his bed. She turned back to me, “So, what brings you by? Are you in need of some sister time?”

She read me like a book. “I need help.” I told her everything; and I mean everything. I told her all about stalking Connie, about the girls I met while touring, all about the previous night. I wanted to come clean about all my sins, and Layla was the perfect person to confide in. She stood and listened to me without saying anything. When I finally finished my rant, she pulled me into a little hug.

“You really messed up, didn’t you?” She said as she patted me on the back.

I sniffled, trying to hold back the tears that were testing me, “I really did. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t think this is something that can be fixed.” I was so frustrated that I had always been so weak to women.

Layla lovingly placed her hand on my shoulder, “Sometimes, you just have to let fate run it’s course. I think you just need to live on cruise for a while and see where you end up. Stop trying to fix things.”

I looked at her, deep in thought, and sighed. “I guess I don’t really have many options anymore, do I?”

I thanked Layla for all her help and headed towards home. As I walked down the vacant street, I called Connie and rescheduled our date for the following week. She excitedly agreed and I, too, was excited. Ashley hadn’t told her about last night, maybe she finally would leave me alone. One could always hope, anyways.

Chapter Eight: Good Times