Second Chances

I stood there, staring at the lady standing before me. She had a large, nervous smile on her face. “Mom?” I questioned. She nodded at me. I looked around, everyone was watching.

I didn’t know what to say to her. I felt angry and happy at the same time. I looked at her aged face, but I felt nothing. I didn’t say anything to her, after a few moments, she decided to talk first.

“Oh, son! I’ve missed you so much!” She pulled me in for an awkward hug; my arms hung limp at my sides. She stepped back and gave me a sad look. Had she expected me to jump into her arms and forgive her for all she had done to me?

“I realize that this is probably strange for you since you have never met me, but I love you. The last time that I saw you, you were just a tiny newborn baby.” She smiled at me as if her little speech would change my mind about her. “You are such a handsome man now, you look so much like your father.”

I just glared at her. I wasn’t buying into any of it, “You left me when I was a baby. You missed out on my whole life.” I paused, letting my words sink in. “If you think I care that you’re here, then you’re wrong. I have gone my whole life without you, what makes you think I need you now?”

She didn’t say anything. After a second she threw her hands up in the air, “I just thought you might give me a second chance. I messed up before, I want to make it right.”

“You don’t deserve a second chance. You never gave me one.” I walked past her and the towards the door. She didn’t say anything to me, she let me go without even trying to stop me. Stella called after me, but I ignored her. I was already upset, I didn’t want to say anything I would regret to Stella.

The next day, I woke up to my phone ringing on my nightstand. It was Stella. I slowly lifted the phone to my awakening ears, “What do you need, Stella?”

“Well aren’t you just mister cheerful today. Listen, I just wanted to apologize for inviting your mom to the party last night. I thought that you might have wanted to meet her, so Rent helped me track her down. I never expected that you would feel anger towards your mother.”

I sighed, I could never stay mad at Stella. “I just didn’t expect it, that’s all. My emotions got the best of me and I reacted harshly. You can’t blame me, though, she walked out on me. She never cared to contact me, not even after my dad died.”

“I know, Raven, maybe you could give her another chance. She really wanted to make amends with you, can you at least go out with her once and let her at least try?” Stella was always good at getting me to crack.

“Ugh, fine. What’s her number?” Stella happily gave me her phone number and hung up.

I began to feel really nervous, my fingers trembled as I dialed the number. When the phone began ringing, I got out of bed and started to pace the floor.

“Hello? This is Connie, can I help you?” I heard my mom’s voice pick up.

I struggled to speak, “Hey, uh, mom.” The word was so foreign to me, it was strange to say it. “It’s me, Raven.”

Silence. “So, I’m sorry about last night.” Why wasn’t she saying anything back? “I didn’t expect you to be there, and I kind of let my emotions take over.” Still no reply, my nerves were jumping through my body. “Do you think, maybe, we could go out tonight and, I don’t know, catch up or something?”

I heard her breathing on the other end, it was a bit before she spoke. “You know, I am a very busy woman. I can’t always make plans at the drop of a hat. I do agree that we got off to a bad start yesterday, though, so I suppose I can meet you at the park tonight, say 9:00?”

I didn’t know what to think of my mom just yet. The day before she seemed so eager to meet me, and now she acted as though I was a bother to her. I wanted to see who she really was, maybe learn about my father a little bit. I agreed to the meeting and hung up. Immediately redialing Stella, “We need to go shopping, I have nothing decent to wear when I meet my mom tonight.”

*~:~*

 

I looked at myself one last time in the mirror. The outfit Stella helped me pick out looked great on me. I fixed a few hairs that had gotten out-of-place and walked out to my truck. I didn’t want to get to the park too early and appear to be eager to see her, but I didn’t want to arrive late and seem like I didn’t care.

I got there at exactly nine, Connie was nowhere to be seen. I waited around for her, it seemed like forever before she finally showed up. As she walked up the path to meet me, my heart started to flutter with nerves.

“You look nice, Raven.” She spoke to me, but stared off into space. She didn’t seem to care that I was there, so I tried to get her talking by asking her about her life.

I found out that she never got married or had any more kids. She lived in a small house in the Northern side of Riverview. She also worked in the library. During her whole life summary, she never made eye contact with me. The way she acted, it seemed like she had something she wanted to say, but couldn’t bring herself to say it.

She blankly asked me about my life. As I began to spill details about my childhood and growing up with Rent, I noticed that my mom never asked any questions, she just picked at her nails.

She mumbled, “Uhhuh” every once in a while, but that was about all. I couldn’t stand to be ignored. “What’s wrong mom? I thought you wanted to get to know each other?”

This time, she looked up at me. “Someone told me that you were queer. Is this true?”

I was taken aback by her blunt statement. My face flushed as my rage boiled through me. I couldn’t hold back the feelings that over came me, “Yes, I am gay. What’s it matter whether I am or not? You’re my mom, you’re supposed to support me.”

She glared at me, “I will never support such a disgusting lifestyle! You should be ashamed of yourself! Just because I gave birth to you doesn’t mean I have to give a flying fudge about your life and there is no way in Hell that I will ever claim you as my son.”

Then, my own mother spat in my face. I became furious, every cell in my body was holding me back from killing her.

“I am proud of who I am! This is how the creator made me and no slut like you will ever break my spirit! I love every bit of me and if you can’t handle that then fuck you! I don’t need you in my life and I never have. You should have been the one to die, not my dad. He loved me and you never did!”

She gasped, clearly what I had just said hurt her. She was not one to break so easily though. “I knew the day you were born you were no good. Your trash, just like your stupid cheating father was!” She turned and stormed off; I got in my truck and drove home as fast as I could, letting the speed rush away my fury.

It was about two in the morning when I was startled awake by the noise of something in my garage. I got out of bed, still in my underwear, and rushed down the stairs. I saw a lady, dressed in black, eyeing my one-of-a-kind custom hog.

I dialed the police and waited by the front door for them to arrive. Just as the thief was running off, the police officer showed up and tackled her to the ground. She fought and struggled, but the man was stronger. It wasn’t too long before he had the woman in cuffs and sitting in his police car.

After the robber was taken care of, the police man came inside to talk to me. This is how I met Andrew Lyngs, a man I quickly found myself interested in.

 

Chapter Four: My Love